Know Thy Self.....for so long I swam in the shallows here, not knowing there was a deep....for there was a time I could not even fathom what was to come.
The surrender....to look with in and not out, to die with out dying...to not cast a reflection...this space, this place was found in my darkest of dark moments...in a Self destruction that would leave me stripped raw and with nothing and no one to grasp.
My own doing...and it was here I burned alive. To burn...to suffer...alone, with no one...to fall on ones knees and brake down....to no thing.
To be alone with Ones Self and Ones own being. To feel shame, blame and self disgust and know one is lost and toxic, in a space where good reason holds no place.
It is that it is...I Am that I Am...take away the story, the events, the experiences...the hells I had walked...the series of unfortunate events that followed....the abuse, self and also inflicted by others, the trauma, the disfunction, the chaos and madness...... it did not exist here.
Just myself...like the end of the world...and for the first time I saw that I could no longer go on...no longer do that I do or be that I Am...."take me God", I whispered with all I had left..."take me".
"I Am here, I Am always here", came a thundering voice...as clear as day...words but not words...what in the world. I felt this all throughout the fibre being, my core...throughout the room, throughout the confines that I found myself, through out the Earth, the cosmos, the Universe...
These worlds filled every pocket of creation....I felt alive...I felt connected.....I felt Love. I was no longer burning...realising I had been on fire all my life....and in this space, on the floor, on my knees I found that I had been seeking all my life. Peace.
Later I was to know this experience as the Surrender, the second death, the second coming, Awakening....many many names, in many many words of light.
The magic was in the intent of the words "take me".
My consciousness changed....I did not want to die, I did not want to disappear. I saw Kylie for the first time...I was not looking out...I was looking in...at everything. To be disgusted at Self...Self is singular...it cannot turn on itself...hence I must be two...
The birthing of consciousness.
I had new eyes...everything was beautiful, everything made sense, everything was connected and everything was love.
That in which was...was no more...and that in which had always been..was now in my awareness. I was processing different...I had a clarity that took me by surprise. My world, my power....my creation.
KyRa was birthed....Know Thy Self !!!
KyRa xxx
About KyRa
"We are Changing....evolvoing....the perfect Human.... Crystalline Vessels of Light."
-KyRa
" I am soooo lost but soooo happy. I quit my job. It took 18 months out of rehab for gambling to realize, I can't work in the industry I love.
What now.....what I always wanted ... To work with people that have lost love ones due to suicide.
I lost the man I was to marry when I was 19.
I found him. It changed my life, the life of my family and all those around me forever.
I carried everyone's prison for many years.
No one did anything wrong.
But the agony, the hurt it caused my family, the darkness, the self abuse, abuse from others, the never answered questions and a constant nagging of the the pain that a love one just needed to end.
The guilt, the "if I had of's" and the never ending pain and the ever searching WHY????
Mental illness is why. I understand this now due to my own mental illness due to the trauma that I held with in me for decades.
Horrific things happen for a reason.
I don't want other people to suffer like I thought I should suffer.
The not wanting Col forgotten!!!
The unbelievable pain.
The finger of blame and the haunting that can last a life time.
It's time ...
I'm ready, equipped and there is a sense of peace.
I'm can now do what I was meant to do.
We can let our life's terrors haunt us forever or we can gather our strength, our love and help others in that terrifying place that we don't ever want to be again.
To lose someone you love to suicide is a nightmare only those who have been there can understand, the same as many living horrors many of us experience in this life.
I never understood why.
All I know now is that maybe I lived through and worked through the pain so I could help others, so they too would not get sucked into the void of escape, addiction and the constant running from physical, mental and spiritual torment that I did.
To talk and share your knowledge and story.
To heal. And most of all, to not let Cols death be meaningless.
Many people I love do not know my journey.
I was ashamed, not coping, didn't want to hurt anyone or for any one to think less of me.
Every home has its skeletons.
Secrets are deadly and keep you trapped.
It's time to brake my chains.
I did nothing wrong, neither did my family and we have suffered for so long.
This testimony at last frees me and I hope them.
We never did anything wrong but love.
We have nothing to feel guilty about!
We did not know Col suffered mental illness.
We did not know he was sick.
I'm free, 24 years of suffering in silence and misunderstanding.
My testimony is not to hurt anyone or bring up hurtful memories. It is to put something to rest that should of been along time ago.
Now I make sure no one else goes through that.
I'm ready for my life's purpose, watch this space.
~ Kylie ~ (2015)
2025......Look at me Now
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